If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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