meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
