I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
