Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
