If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
