there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
