Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Sober January is a disaster.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
