So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
