I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
