hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
home. puking in laundry basket.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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