Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
