Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
