i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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