Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
