i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
