he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
