whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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