I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We have so much sex to catch up on
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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