He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
