I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
