I heard we made out
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
