why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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