i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
they need to just BURY HIM!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
