Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
im holly from the hills drunk
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
