I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I could fuck to npr.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
