I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
