Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
