Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
