just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
