By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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