At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
