If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
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