GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
