I just pynch a tree in the face
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
