guys are not supposed to queef...right?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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