You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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