I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I fill condoms, not promises.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
