It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
