Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
