i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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