I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
