I hate all girls vehemently.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm getting married
To pizza
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