Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
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