I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
