i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
