dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
