I accidentally burped into my bong.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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