I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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