please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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