he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Enjoy the penises
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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