I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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