I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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