There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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