Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
