No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
