So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
