I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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