Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
