You were right. It hurts to walk today.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Randomize
