if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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