hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize