recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
