I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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