he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
